Average Develops Grit

Originally Posted October 14, 2012

The word “average” is well, just that. It certainly isn’t an adjective we like being used to describe us, let alone our children. 

Except for a short window of time in their lives during which it’s the only word we want to hear.  

When our babies first arrive until about the time the books say they are supposed to be hitting milestones, average is all we pray for. Average height, average weight, average amount of sleep, average number of bowel movements a day - all music to our ears. It’s safe and it means we are doing an excellent job keeping our kids in the middle of the pack. Nothing too extreme. 

More than average body hair: not what we want to hear. Less than average brain size ... you get the idea.

It’s not until we start measuring their brain power that we want to hear about them being anything but average. What parent doesn't want to hear that their kid is doing better than the norm at something?

But perhaps that deserves a second look.

Oftentimes when speaking with mothers and fathers of teenage kids - sons or daughters - you hear something like this: 

“Our youngest struggled but always did well. Because he had to work so hard it meant that he knew exactly what he had to do to keep his grades up. We used to really feel for him back then. While his sister barely had to open a book to get top grades and had all kinds of time for soccer and drama etc, he was at the kitchen table getting help from his sister or a tutor for just about all of his classes.”

You used to feel for him? Not anymore?

It turns out the daughter who had it easy had a rude awakening in the higher grades and was ill-prepared for real work. She had not developed any study skills, had absolutely no relationship with failure nor an understanding, not to mention - tolerance - for having to put in the time necessary to truly learn something. 

The tables turned as the years went by and eventually it was the son who helped his sister. It was having to earn his marks that garnered more than just grades. Just like the money speeches we give them. ;-)

Better-Than-Average sure sounds great when it comes to schoolwork but it should also serve as a warning for parents. For the kids that have it easy find some time for some enrichment classes that challenge them so they get a better sense of what it means to not know the answer right away, of failing and persevering, pondering a problem for more than a minute, researching ideas, doing homework, developing study skills...cracking a bit of a mental sweat. Developing some grit.

The kid who has always had it easy will likely face their first academic challenges right as life is throwing them into the turmoil of hormones, first loves, social pressure, acne and worse. That’s the time when knowing they can handle the books and the tests will provide them with some real footing on an otherwise slippery slope.

Canadian author Paul Tough says high IQ's in childhood are not an indicator for future success. He says GRIT gets is more important. Do you have it?
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