Blech! Playdates

Originally posted February 5, 2012


The “playdate”, such a strange thing. An idea so absorbed by the culture that our many parks are empty most of the time, spontaneous play having died to make room for these insipid preplanned outings.

It’s either the moms who want to get together in hopes the kids will play well or the kids want to hang and they could care less if moms will play well. 

On the rare occasion that daughter likes daughter, mother likes mother, son likes son and even dad likes dad ... you have won the Family Playdate Lottery. And you'll do just about anything to keep it: loan them money, wife swap...you name it.

When I was a kid my mom’s best friend Edie lived across the street and her four kids were all at least 10 years older than me. We didn’t play tag together but Mom and Edie were tight; they tried Amway, crocheting and even smoking pot together. Back then my best friend lived six doors down and I was with her all the time but I don’t think my mother and Moira’s mom ever said more than Hello to one another. I picked my friends and my mom picked her friends and they were in no way contingent upon each other.

What a shame that my children’s social needs and my social needs are all tangled up together. They have endured tortuous sessions with biters and hitters while I sit in the kitchen with the mother I really like and mourn a relationship that will never even get off the ground.

And just as often we have left a house and my kids will regale me with stories about how awesome the kid is and I know I wouldn’t go back and listen to their annoying mother talk about scrapbooking ever again, for any amount of money, let alone my children’s happiness. Tough luck kids.

What happened to opening the front door and letting kids run free? Was there a slow evolution from my 1960's out-all-day-playing-eat-wherever-someone-was-making-grilled-cheese-come-home-when-the-street-lights-came-on kinda play to the drive-door-to-door-with-mom-on-prearranged-play-dates of today or did it happen over night? 

What was the impetus for it? How did moms who had grown up running free and lived to tell the tale agree to deprive their kids of the same fun? Was there an epidemic of ogres, oglers, gropers and grabbers that I didn’t hear about? 

Miriam Webster puts the term "playdate" as having made its first appearance in 1984. Now the 80's were guilty of many thing (Miami Vice, big hair, shoulder pads, lace spandex and doc martens come to mind) but I  don't recall it being the decade of the deviant.

Wikipedia defines "playdates" as having become the norm in Western cultures because of busy work schedules and media warnings about leaving children unattended. Media warnings, like the one about this Calgary winter being the coldest and longest in a 100 years. Those guys? Yes, must heed what they say. They are never wrong, never fall prey to hyperbole or hearsay. Come on. (it was the warmest winter on record)

A few years ago a tween in our neighbourhood told her parents and the police someone in a white van had tried to abduct her. That bit of news hit the paper and travelled faster than mono in a high school. The 'hood went into lock down and very white van that came into the area sent people screaming down the street. A few days later the girl admitted to having made the whole thing up but that didn't make the front page, it took longer for word to get around, few were convinced and some stayed in state of panic for months. A summer lost heeding the media warnings.


Will we ever swing back to what most consider a normal way of play? Will kids ever be able to burst out of the bubble wrap and spend the day making a fort? It seems to me we have it backwards. We keep a close eye on them when they are little and unlock the door when they are most likely to get into trouble and have NO experience fending for themselves.