Originally Posted January 12, 2012
I was brought up in 1960’s, my mother would never have considered telling me I had done a great job when in fact I hadn't. She always told me I was capable and praised my efforts when warranted but she never congratulated me for a half-assed job, I was given an accurate view of what I was doing and learned that sometimes I had to try harder, practice more, study harder.
Of my many neuroses, fallout from false praise is not something I have to contend with ;-)
When the kids play hockey at the local arena and one team is getting their butts kicked the grown ups in charge stop adding subsequent goals to the scoreboard so the kids don’t feel bad. Come on, there isn’t a kid on the ice who doesn’t know they are down by exactly 12 goals, what they can’t figure out is why their parents want to hide it from them.
How can we truly believe we are doing our kids any favours with this attitude? High school teachers, university profs and certainly future bosses are never going to praise them for shoddy work or worry about their feelings.
How about a “You should be proud of how hard you worked last week” rather than an empty “You are so smart” ? As a result the kids try harder, think longer and will give things a go even if they look hard.
Here is a link to an article on the subject you may be interested in: Globe and Mail
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