Originally Posted November 11, 2012
Is bullying more prevalent today than in the past?
Sure it is. And it’s not the internet, TV or pop culture.
The problem is parenting.
Kids are not born mean, in fact research shows they arrive instinctively empathetic. But there are more mean kids out there today than there have been in the past simply because way too many of today's parents have their heads stuck up their ass.
When confronted with the possibility that their child has behaved poorly an alarming number of parents counter with; “No way, not my kid!” rather than ask to hear more.
Really? Your middle child kicks the dog, your oldest child tells the baby she’s stupid and they are both kicking you as we speak. Are you sure there isn’t a teensy weensy possibility they treat everyone else the same way?
Nasty little folk become nastier grown ups, hopeless spouses, lousy employees and nightmarish employers and will raise their own despicable kids. The proverbial apple and tree and all that.
That's how we got to where we are today.
When you get away with awful behaviour as a kid you grow up to believe that you can get away with anything and that nothing is ever your fault. Not even driving other kids to swallow pills or slit their wrists.
When bad behaviour pops up on the radar smart parents deal with it right away. Discuss, guide, discipline until it has been exorcised. That’s the job.
When parents do not address the behaviour it instead gets exercised. The kid is essentially in training, honing their subversive skills, becoming more manipulative and nastier everyday.
Remember the commercial with the cat that destroys the house and lies serenely on the chair looking innocent having left the debris and evidence around the sleeping dog - owner walks in, dog wakes up, gets in trouble and the cat smiles that sinister cat smile? Remember that one?
That is a kid who was never called on his or her behaviour.
Back in the day EVERY mother gave EVERY kid “what for” and “or else”.
When we where climbing trees up to dangerous heights some woman we didn’t know would open her window and yell; “You get down from there you morons, you’re going to crack your stupid heads open. I’m calling the cops.” Was she wrong? No. She was trying to stop us from killing ourselves.
Was she name calling? No, she was stating facts. We were morons, owners of stupid heads.
Try doing that today and the kids will call the cops on you.
These days we are so afraid to say the wrong thing and somehow cripple some 6 year kid with the truth that instead we allow that kid to grow up to be a mean teen and a turdy twenty-something and on and on.
Some parents are simply not dialed in. They are quick to reprimand their dog for trying to nip or bite and meanwhile their 7 year old is right there pinching her little sister. ( I often wonder what the dog is thinking in this scenario.)
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If another kid is rotten to your kid then try the parent, try the school and when no one helps you have to get in there. Tell the rotten kid to keep his hands off your kid or else. And yeah you’ll get heat but you’re doing both kids a favour.
You know those stories of the mom who lifted a car to save their kids’ lives? Well, telling another woman her kid simply has to stop being mean to your kid ... that’s easier than lifting a car. You’re going to loose some coffee dates, you might get named called and whispered about but you’re a grown up and you can handle it, better you than your kid.
If you don’t stand up for your child you are telling the mean kid they can get away with what they are doing and you are telling your kid there is a line you will not cross to help them.
INTERESTING READS
Young children and even babies demonstrate attributes such as generosity, empathy and a sense of justice, indicating that far from being born as clean slates, humans seem to have innate altruistic tendencies and are able to make moral choices at a remarkably young age. article
"Most kids have engaged in some kind of bullying behaviour in elementary school," says Wendy Craig, a Queen's University psychologist who studies the issue. According to one study involving the early grades, only 36 per cent of girls and 17 per cent of boys said they'd had no involvement in bullying over the course of the school year. "The message for teachers and parents is to identify them early," Dr. Craig says. "If you get a call twice in the school year, you need to be vigilant." article
Toddlers who are persistently aggressive, defiant and “explosive” aren’t born that way. A new longitudinal study says they’re made that way by “negative parenting” as early as infancy. article
Remember, there are really great Bully Proofing work-shops at The Tao of Peace, visit their site to find out more. And there are terrific programs available through Girl Power, visit their site here.
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